


I want you, I need you, I love you

by Emmajones830



Series: Tales from Sanditon [1]
Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), jane austen sanditon
Genre: Closure, Desire, Engagement, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Kissing, Meant To Be, Pining, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-20 16:42:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21284873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmajones830/pseuds/Emmajones830
Summary: Charlotte ends up back in Sanditon after a resident has a health scare. She runs into old friends and the handsome Mr. Sidney Parker. Will she regret coming back or find her happily ever after?
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Series: Tales from Sanditon [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607089
Comments: 104
Kudos: 322





	1. Back to Sanditon

**Author's Note:**

> My ending to Sanditon. I have never written fan fiction before but I believe Sidney and Charlotte deserve their happily ever after. Please excuse any possible typos. This was written at night on an iPhone.

Charlotte’s eyes opened and for a moment she wondered where she was. It took a few seconds for her to remember that she was back in Sanditon and back in her old bed. She didn’t expect to be back so soon, but if she was being honest with herself she didn’t expect to be back ever. The summer had brought new experiences, most of them being wonderful memories, but she thought about that August day when she left Sanditon every day. She had been hoping the carriage would pick up speed and take her back to Willingdon as quickly as possible, but the carriage had all of a sudden come to a stop. The memory of looking out the window and having that slight feeling of hope as he walked towards her still hurt, thinking that maybe he chose her. A proper parting wasn’t what she had thought it to be. Maybe it would have been better if she was the one insensitive of feeling, but that wasn’t her. She cared for Sidney deeply and love had been new concept to her. It wasn’t something she had been looking for or expected. He had been right, she only knew what she had read in novels. Nothing could have prepared her for the thrilling rush of falling in love. The nervous feeling she would get when he was around. The butterflies she would feel in her stomach every time he smiled at her. The rush that would go through her body when she thought about his touch. The doubt she felt about herself whenever someone prettier and above her station was around. The agony of lost hope. The physical pain she felt herself in when they had parted. The hurt and anger that had replaced some of the more euphoric feelings. _Damn you, Sidney Parker._

Charlotte tried pushing the memories out of her mind. Her first day in Sanditon didn’t need to be filled with tears. It didn’t help to dwell on the memories of the past or the might what have been. At this point she seemed to get more angry than sad over the whole situation. _Two weeks and I shall be back in Willingdon. I just have to keep my head up and smile. _ She climbed out of bed and put her feet on the cold hardwood floor and looked out the window towards the beach. It looked different in the winter. It was gloomier and there was a mystical fog that was hanging over the town. It reminded her of Esther and their first walk together. Esther had commented on how dreary the place was, but even with the weather being quite grey there was still bustling and work being done. She still loved Sanditon. It was just different now. It wasn’t just the change of the season, but she was also seeing it through a different season of her life. The eyes of someone who had a little more life experience. _I am not as naïve as I once was._

The smell of breakfast had made its way to her room. She was starving from the journey the day before. _I hope I made the right choice coming back here_. Doubt kept creeping into her mind. Alison had told her she was forgetting her senses. It was just a few days ago that she had received a post from Sanditon. Initially, she thought it was from Esther whom had become quite the letter writer, but when she saw the handwriting she knew it to be that of Mr. Tom Parker’s. He had written telling her the dreadful news that Mary was ill. Dr. Fuchs had her moved to London for a different treatment plan a week ago and Tom wanted to go stay by her side while she underwent the new treatment. He said the rest of his family was already there, but he preferred that the children stay in Sanditon so their schedules weren’t disrupted. Tom explained that he wanted a familiar presence to stay with the children since the new nanny, Jane, was still earning the children’s trust and learning their routine. Even though Charlotte’s feelings towards Tom weren’t particularly cheerful at the moment, she had grown to love Mary and the children, so she agreed to come post haste.

“Good morning, Charlotte. I was hoping to say goodbye before catching the coach to London. You have no idea how grateful I am that you agreed to come help with the children. I thought of bringing them with me, but I would rather them be in the comfort of their own home.” Tom said. “I am so worried about Mary and I hope that soon enough she will be healed and back in Sanditon.”

“Oh Tom, I am very sorry that Mary has taken ill. I had hoped that after the fire that everything would be well. I’m sure she will be back in no time. You must remain hopeful. I look forward to the day when we can see each other again.”

“I hope the children won’t be too much of a hassle.” Tom said has he was pushing around papers on his desk.

“Don’t worry remember I am one of eleven children. I can handle them. Remember I do have Jane’s help as well.”

“The children consider you like family and they’ll be so happy to have you back. I will write as soon as I can. You won’t be tied to the house as Jane will be taking care of them often. Not that you will want to explore too much. It gets rather chilly in the winter and there are times the wind can be quite frightful, but there are many new things in Sanditon.” He paused for a second has he looked over his desk, which appeared to be back to a disorganized mess. “Mr. Stringer is on top of the building plans and Sidney now handles the business matters, so don’t think you’ll have to do any assistant duties.”

She felt a lump in her throat at the sound of his name and she could feel her heart beat a little faster. She tried to steady her breath. Sidney was in London and she was only expected to be in Sanditon for a couple of weeks.

“Everything will be fine. You just need to focus your attention on Mary and her speedy recovery.” Charlotte caught herself thinking of other moments that happened in this office. She changed her train of thought. “I am thinking of taking a walk by the sea before you leave.”

Jenny ran into the room and hugged Charlotte. “Charlotte! Charlotte! You’ve come to take care of us!”

Charlotte hugged Jenny back and she was quickly reminded of how much she cared for the Parker children. She felt horrible that they were reuniting under such sad circumstances.

“Jenny, I was thinking of going for a short walk before your father departs. Would you like to accompany me? Maybe we could find some seashells.”

“I would love to Miss Charlotte! Let me get my coat.” Jenny exclaimed.

“You don’t mind do you, Tom?”

“Not at all. You need some crisp sea air. It will brighten your cheeks and I am hopeful that it will energize you enough to keep up with the children. I will most likely be gone by the time you get back. I shall see you soon.”

“Please give my regards to Mary” Charlotte said as she put on her heavier coat.

Charlotte and Jenny left Trafalgar house and headed straight to the seashore. It was chilly and the air smelled like rain and the salty sea. She hoped that the weather didn’t end up too rainy this winter since she would prefer being outdoors than being trapped inside. The sea appeared so cold and grey, which matched her overall disposition of late, but something about the waves crashing against the shore made her feel at home. _Silly girl. This place will never be home. Not now._

“Let’s see what treasures we can find!” Charlotte exclaimed as she grabbed Jenny’s hand and they ran down the shoreline.

_It can’t be. It isn’t possible. Your eyes are playing tricks on you, you fool. _Mr. Sidney Parker had been staring at the shoreline as his carriage arrived in Sanditon. Now that it was off season in the resort town, not many went down to the sea especially on a gloomy day such as this. He saw two figures running along the beach. He could tell one was a child, but the other had dark brown hair hanging on her shoulders. The wind was blowing it every which way and suddenly a memory of playing cricket popped in his mind. _Charlotte, my love. _She was so beautiful and audacious that day. He remembered trying to show off his cricket skills in front of her. Hoping to catch her eye especially after the comment she had made to Mr. Stringer. How he ‘put her off’ by trying to give her tips. She had caught the smile that he gave her even though he tried denying it. It was at that moment that he knew his deep infatuation with her was growing into something so much more. Now he was looking down at this woman on the beach with the similar hair that her bonnet could not contain, blowing in the wind. _That isn’t Charlotte. She would never come back here again. Not after what I did to her. _He watched as a gust of wind blew off her pink bonnet and the woman laughed as her and the child ran after it. He was in complete denial that there was a possibility that this could be Charlotte. Every day he longed to see her again scared that one day her face would fade from his memory.

As the carriage got closer to Sanditon he started to get a strange feeling in his stomach. _What is wrong with me? _He didn’t want to admit that the guilt he continued to feel would rise up when he thought of her. It’s probably the alcohol from last night. _I really should listen to Georgiana and drink a little less. _The carriage arrived outside the hotel and as he went to step out the figures from the beach moved closer to him. There was no denying it now. Charlotte Heywood was in Sanditon. It had been six months since he last saw her, but it had felt like an eternity. She didn’t see him, but he saw her and stared for longer than he should have. She had stopped for a moment to help Jenny with her shoe. Sidney sat there observing her. The winter had not affected her radiant skin and her dark brown hair had grown some since the summer. As she stood back up he studied her figure. _She is more beautiful than I remembered. Why is she here? _He knew his brother Tom probably had something to do with this.

Charlotte felt like someone had been watching her. She hadn’t felt that feeling in months. She always knew when he had looked at her longer than he should. She couldn’t deny that at the time she would try and steal her own extra looks. Hoping to catch his eye. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he was there, but he was in London and she needed to push these thoughts out of her mind. Jenny broke into Charlotte’s silent thoughts. “Let’s see if the boys are up!” Charlotte realized when had been holding her breath at the thought of Sidney and let it go as she followed Jenny to the house.


	2. Sidney

Sidney watched as Charlotte and Jenny walked away. He now had a new objective this morning, to find Tom and see why Charlotte was back in Sanditon. Tom had written to Sidney earlier in the week stating that he would be headed to London most urgently to be with Mary and would need Sidney to check in on some of the projects while he was gone. Sidney had taken over most of the financial auditing and responsibility after the fire while Tom focused more on the overall vision of the project. They were currently working on brownstones and gardens on the western side of town. London had been suffocating to Sidney and he felt like he couldn’t breathe there. He didn’t know if it was the city itself, Eliza’s overbearing presence or the fact that his heart was elsewhere. Sanditon didn’t provide any solace either. Everywhere reminded him of her and most of the time that thought killed him inside. There were few times he would smile, but if he did his mind was back on the cliff sides of Sanditon holding her in his arms. Most of the time he wished he could board a ship and sail away from all his responsibilities and what his family expected of him. Maybe he would stop by Willingdon on the way and convince Charlotte to go with him. These fantasies helped him get through some days, but he knew he could never do that to her and this vision of escape would never come to be.

Sidney walked urgently to the new construction knowing that Tom was most likely there finishing up some business before he caught the coach to London. As he turned the corner he saw Tom speaking to Mr. Stringer.

“Mr. Stringer...Tom” Sidney greeted them both with a nod. Mr. Stringer had become integral part of the project and had great ideas. He was friendly enough to Sidney though there were times he thought the man didn’t have that good of an opinion of him.

“Sidney!” Tom exclaimed. “I didn’t expect you to arrive so soon. I thought you would remain in London a few more days. Did you see Mary before you left?”

“Yes, she is still rather weak, but the doctor believes they are on a way to a diagnosis. Her color has returned some. She misses the children and is eagerly awaiting your arrival. Tom, can I have a moment?” Turning towards Mr. Stringer, Sidney excused them and took a few steps to the side.

“Tom, what is Miss Heywood doing here?” Sidney asked in a low concerned tone.

“You have seen Charlotte? She just arrived yesterday. Mary and I decided at the last minute that we didn’t want to disrupt the children’s routine. They are already worried about Mary and they have been missing Charlotte. I asked her to come assist with the children while I’m in London.” Tom explained. Sidney had a look in his eyes that Tom could not quite identify, but he knew something was troubling him. Sidney pursed his lips and furrowed his brow. “I didn’t know I had to get permission from you to invite house guests over Sidney.”

This statement drove Sidney mad. “I don’t understand how you can be so damn foolish and blind! Miss Heywood is too kind to decline your request and now this will torment us both.”

Tom was confused as to where this rage suddenly came from and why Sidney was so upset about Charlotte being here.

“Forgive me. I know you have other more pressing matters to worry about. I am going to go check into the hotel.” Sidney said calmly. He was upset with Tom, but arguing over this with Mary in her condition made no sense. _Even if Mary was well, Tom would only be thinking of what makes life easier for him and not the struggles and sacrifices those around him make all for this damn town._

“Excuse me, Mr. Parker the tile sample is here. If you give the okay we can start the install.” Mr. Stringer said as he walked into the room.

“Oh yes! Let’s get this done so I can head to London.” Tom turned towards Sidney “I will keep you updated once I get there. I do appreciate you assisting with these matters and about Charlotte, I am sure she won’t be in your way.”

Sidney looked at Tom and nodded. The problem was he wanted her in his way. He wanted to feel her body crash into his like they did in the hallway when he visited Georgiana those months ago. He wanted to hold her close and see her beautiful smile light up her face. His body felt the need of wanting to kiss her and wrap her up in his arms. _I’m never going to be the same. I will be a ruined and tormented man forever._

His thoughts were interrupted by Mr. Stringer’s voice.

“Charlotte is back in Sanditon?” Mr. Stringer’s face lit up and Sidney tried to keep his from turning red from the other man’s reaction. “I am pleased to hear that.”

“Good day gentleman” Sidney said as he rushed out of the room. He needed to get to the hotel, have a drink and figure out how to stop the urge of going straight to Trafalgar house right now.

Sidney woke up with a slight headache. He had a few more drinks than he had anticipated. _That was not a wise decision. Drinking is not the answer. _After watching Charlotte’s carriage carry her away he had made a promise to himself that he would do better for her. He wasn’t going to allow himself to fall into a downward spiral again. It was utter torment and unfortunately his drinking had increased more than he would have liked, but he mostly dove into his business ventures and tried to keep his mind busy with work. It was during those more quiet moments when she would enter his thoughts that he would reach for a drink. The bad thing for him was that she entered his mind quite often. _Maybe I should just go see her or maybe I should try to avoid her. Trying to avoid her didn’t work last time she was here._ He had been so good at guarding his heart and keeping his walls up before she came to knock down all his defenses. He looked at the time and realized that the children should be done with breakfast and preoccupied with their morning activities. He was going to meet the source of his frustrations head on. He couldn’t help himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still written on an iPhone in the middle of the night. This show has ruined me forever.


	3. In Repair

Charlotte was in the parlor looking over Tom’s updated Sanditon models and plans. He may have been bad at business decisions, but he was a dreamer and she still admired that. After she had left Sanditon she had grown angry with Tom and his poor decisions. If only he had purchased insurance her life would be so different now. It was so hard for her to let go of what might have been, but she picked her head up and knew she needed to move on. One day at a time. She deserved better than how she had been treated. She may not have known that originally, but the months away had taught her that. All that needs to happen now is to get her heart on board with what her mind knew. Forgetting Sidney Parker would be the best thing to do. Her train of thought was interrupted when she heard someone come in.

“Mr. Stringer” she smiled. “It’s so nice to see you. I would have written and let you know of my visit but everything happened so quickly there was no time.”

“It’s so lovely to see you as well, Miss. I hope that you are well.”

“As well as can be at the moment. I walked some of the town yesterday and the work is quite impressive and much more beautiful than you had described in your letters. Are you doing well?”

The smile fell from his face and he looked at Charlotte with a sorrowful look. “I miss him every day. He was such a stubborn man, but I am grateful for what he provided for me and what he taught me. I still regret our last conversation, but I know he knew I loved him. The homes that burned have been rebuilt and we only have minor work left. Mr. Parker has given me more freedom and credit for my ideas, most likely due to Mr. Sidney Parker’s influence. I am staying on for a few more seasons to finish up the gardens and brownstones and then will be off to London. They allowed me to delay the apprenticeship.”

“That is so good to hear Mr. Stringer” Charlotte smiled. “You will be a great architect one day and I will look forward to seeing all your designs.”

“I sure have missed your enthusiasm, Miss. Sanditon has not been the same without you” Mr. Stringer gazed at Charlotte. It was easy to think of his feelings from last summer. He had had such a deep infatuation with her and could have loved her. Sometimes he thought if he would have spoken sooner that something would have come from it. Things may be different between them.

They heard the door open once more and glanced towards entry. Mr. Sidney Parker walked into the room and Charlotte felt herself tremble. She hoped he didn’t notice.

Mr. Stringer felt the energy in the room change and knew it was time for him to depart. He knew his relationship with Charlotte would never escalate beyond friendship, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to put a little jab into Mr. Parker. He had hurt Charlotte and that wasn’t acceptable.

“Good morning, Mr. Parker.” He said in Sidney’s direction and then he turned back towards Charlotte. “I will leave you now, Miss. We can finish our conversation later and catch up on what has occurred since your last letter. Good day!” Mr. Stringer quickly glanced at Sidney whose jaw had clenched and fire had risen in his eyes.

A quick feeling of jealousy arose in Sidney. _She has been writing to Mr. Stringer._

“Good day Mr. Stringer. I look forward to our next meeting.” Charlotte smiled. Sidney noticed her smile didn’t reach her eyes though as Mr. Stringer left.

Charlotte didn’t know if she was ready to look him in the eyes and awkwardly looked at the ground for a few seconds. Her whole body reacted in his presence. _Why is my body betraying me like this? I cannot be attracted to Sidney Parker any longer!_ She felt nervous and slightly sick and somehow at the same time she wanted to kiss him. She had missed him so much. Finally she took a deep breath with the resolve that she would not allow him to have so much power over her. She looked up at him and her eyes met his as she smiled. He looked different than how she remembered. His eyes had more sadness to them than last she saw him. He appeared a little thinner and somewhat tired. He was still the most handsome man she had ever seen.

“Mr. Parker, I thought you were in London.” She said trying to keep her voice as calm and indifferent as possible

“No, no, I’m not. I was called here for business.” He stared at her and noticed her hands clenched up a bit. He had observed her body on many occasions in the past. Most times when she probably had no idea that he was looking, but he could tell how tense she was now and imagined she was trying to hide it. He had never seen her like this. “Are you well Miss Heywood?”

“I’m in repair, Mr. Parker. Not whole yet, but I’ll get there.” Her words came out before she could think. That was not what she wanted to say. She didn’t want him to know she still cared. “Forgive me, I shouldn’t be so frank.”

Sidney was shocked by the honesty of her words. For some reason he had assumed it would have been easier for her to move on from him than himself from her. He just wanted to reach for her and hold her again.

“Do not apologize. There is no need for it. Your honesty and opinions have always been one of your best qualities.” He had so much he wanted to say and so much he was feeling. He could feel his heart beating out of his chest. _Charlotte if you only knew how much you haunt my every moment. How much I miss you._

“How is Mrs. Campion?” Charlotte asked. The sound of her voice speaking that name brought him back into reality.

“I left her quite well.” They stood in silence. He knew what he wished he could say. He wished he could say that circumstances changed and there was no Mrs. Campion.

“Will you be in Sanditon for long?” Charlotte decided she would try the best of making small talk. Small talk had never been Mr. Parker’s strong suit. The sound of his voice did so much to her though. She didn’t know why she would put herself through this torture. She looked down and noticed how he was fiddling with his gloves. _This doesn’t seem enjoyable for him either._

“I should only be here for the week. I only have a few business matters to look at. I will then be back to London to check on Mary.”

“How is Mary? Tom only mentioned that she was sick and had to go to London for treatment.”

“She had felt poorly for some time and Dr. Fuchs couldn’t get the diagnosis quite right and sent her off to a doctor he knows in London. Just the few days that she has had in London have seemed to help her. They believe she may have some type of blood ailment. Tom was obviously concerned and wants to be with her, which is why he wrote to you.”

“As he should.” Sidney looked at her and it was like she knew what he was thinking. “I am perfectly fine helping with the children. I care for them a great deal and Mary.”

“Miss Heywood. I suspect our interactions during our stay here will be limited. I don’t want you to feel put off.”

“I will not lie I was surprised to see you now and had dreaded the thought of seeing you again, but now that our meeting is over, you shouldn’t think me so weak Mr. Parker. I am not the same woman you parted with six months ago.” _I shouldn’t have said that. I speak too much sometimes. Less is better, Charlotte._

Sidney smirked thinking of past conversations and their adventure in London. “I could never think Charlotte Heywood to be weak.” He stood there staring at her and she held his gaze until he gave her a once-over look. “I will leave you now. Good day, Miss Heywood”

“Good day Mr. Parker” She smiled.

Once Sidney left the house he realized he had hardly been breathing. Just standing in a room with her made so many feelings arise in him. Feelings he had tried to forget after that day on the cliffs. _God, I love her madly. _The difference between the boyish feelings he had ten years ago for Eliza compared to this complete enraptured feeling that just the thought of Charlotte brought about was outstanding.

Charlotte immediately sat down once Sidney had left the room. _At least that was over. This dreadful meeting was over. _Not that it helped anything. She really had hoped in vain that her heart would one day forget him, but now that she was back she realized how much of a lie that was. She didn’t want to forget him. She didn’t want to let him go. She loved him. _Damn you, Tom Parker._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still written on an iPhone listening to John Mayer. Chapter title comes from his song.


	4. Stormy Weather

It was a cold morning and the children were busy playing with some toys on the floor. Jane was to take care of them this morning since Charlotte had decided it was time for her to call on Lady Denham. The older woman had sent a note when she had heard about Charlotte being back in town and asked that she see her.

“Jane, I’ll be back in time for lunch. I have to visit Lady Denham and then I will come back I will read to the children and put them down for their naps.” Charlotte was enjoying her time with Jenny and Alicia. Henry was being a handful though and she was nervous she would have to start putting her foot down. He was a rambunctious child.

Charlotte left Trafalgar house and walked towards Lady D’s estate. The air was chilly but refreshing as she noticed some storm clouds off in the distance. She appreciated a good rain nowadays. It felt like everything could be washed clean by the rain. Things could start anew.

As she walked, she thought about the other trips she had made along the cliff side. Meeting Georgiana was one of the memorable moments. Miss Lambe was currently in London with Arthur and she was hoping at some point she would get to see her old friend again, but in the meantime her letters were always received with joy. Charlotte’s thoughts started to travel to a walk she took with Sidney, but she quickly put that out of her head. It had been four days since they spoke and he was right, their interactions were basically nonexistent. She saw him a couple of times on the streets and he nodded from a distance and she would smile back trying to pretend that everything was well. It was still so odd to have been on the verge of what felt like a great romance, a life changing companionship to attempting to act like strangers passing. It was difficult to say the least.

She finally made it to Lady Denham’s estate and was led into the familiar room that Lady D always inhabited.

“Miss Heywood. It’s so good to see you. I’m glad you felt up to visiting an old woman.” Lady Denham said as she welcomed Charlotte.

“Thank you, Ma’am. I have missed my visits with you and Esther. I assume she is still in London with Lord Babington?”

“Yes, they have decided to stay there for the winter months. I myself can never leave Sanditon. There are too many affairs to meddle in and I have to keep Mr. Tom Parker on his toes.” Lady Denham said with a laugh.

Charlotte had observed a change in Lady Denham. There was more of a lightness to her and she attributed this to Esther. After Sidney’s engagement, Charlotte had found herself at Lady Denham’s estate quite often. Esther, Lady Denham and Charlotte would play cards and she could tell both of them tried to never mention the Parkers or anything that would remind her of Sidney. “I know when we were first acquainted that I told you to beware of Sidney Parker. I feel obliged to tell you that I know his feelings for you were true and I do know the agony of losing someone you love, but there is joy to be found. I am learning you just have to be open to it.” Esther had told her and that was the end of it. Esther’s friendship had come as a surprise, but she was grateful for it. She had helped Esther with her wedding preparations even though Esther was hesitant to accept at first. Even though it was a wedding, it was easier to distract herself in someone else’s happiness when she had lost her own.

“How long are you planning on staying in Sanditon this time?” Lady Denham asked curiously.

“I have about 10 days left Lady Denham unless Mr. Parker and Mary come back sooner.”

“I had told that man that his wife needed to go to London sooner, but he wouldn’t listen. He can be so foolish as you are too well aware.”

“Tom has his flaws, but I still believe the good outweighs the bad.”

“You’re still optimistic. That’s a good sign. I know we never spoke of your troubles last time you were here and I didn’t want to bruise you any further by bringing it up. I admire you Miss Heywood. You’re opinionated and intelligent. Any man would be lucky to have you and I don’t just mean any man from your village as I have heard some say. You can do well for yourself. I know you would prefer marrying for love, but we both know that sometimes you must be more sensible.”

“Thank you for your compliments, but I am not looking to be married. I wasn’t then and I’m not now.”

“You would have accepted Mr. Sidney Parker if he would have asked that night like he was supposed to.”

Charlotte looked at Lady Denham questionably and did not answer.

“Nothing gets by me, Miss Heywood. I like to observe people, just like yourself, and I saw what was happening between you two. I didn’t know he would be such a fool to run off and engage himself to Eliza Campion.”

“As you know he had to help Tom with his financial problems so he wouldn’t be thrown in prison. Tom has children. I understand his decision.” As Charlotte said this she started getting angry again. After she had left Sanditon she was always coming to Sidney’s defense when someone close to the situation mentioned his engagement and at the moment she was getting tired of it. Charlotte quickly changed the subject and they spoke of Lady Denham’s health, Sir Edward’s current predicament of having a child out of wedlock with Clara, and eventually the subject turned to the weather.

Charlotte looked outside and the storm clouds appeared to be darker.

“Lady Denham I am afraid I will have to cut this visit short. I need to make it back before that storm rolls in.”

“I could send you in a carriage if you would like Miss Heywood.”

“That’s okay. I am very fond of walking and I’ll make it back in time. It was nice seeing you Lady Denham. Good day.”

In all honesty Charlotte didn’t want to walk back, but knew it would be good for her to get more exercise in and blow off some steam. She always knew Sidney Parker could evoke anger in her that she never knew she had before, now after everything, she seemed to anger a little easier and noticed that sometimes she could be too short with people. She hoped this would eventually go away and took it as part of the heartbreak process. _I will not let this hardship harden me into someone I am not. I am not Sidney Parker. _ _Are there normal stages of heartbreak? Is this normal?_

The clouds appeared to be rolling in quickly and grew darker. There hadn’t been a bad winter storm in Sanditon for some years, but Sidney didn’t like the look of this one. _I wonder if I should check on Trafalgar house. _Henry was quite scared of storms and he would want to make sure they were alright. _Yes, I shall go and make sure Henry is okay._

He arrived at Trafalgar house right before lunch. The rain had started coming down quite heavily and the wind seemed to have picked up speed. It reminded him of a storm he encountered in Antigua that seemed to come out of nowhere.

Jane entered the room and welcomed Mr. Parker, but he didn’t see Miss Heywood anywhere.

“Is Miss Heywood here?” Sidney asked trying not to seem too concerned.

“No, sir. She left earlier to walk to Lady Denham’s house. She was supposed to be back before lunch, so she should have been here about now.” Jane replied.

Sidney started feeling a mixture of rage and concern take over him. _What was she thinking walking in this weather? _Without thinking any further he left to find her.

Sheets of rain were pouring down and Charlotte started to get disoriented. She ended up down at the beach. The waves were crashing something fierce and was something she had never seen before. She then saw one of Tom’s bathing machines tucked in the corner of the cove. It wasn’t the best place for shelter but considering how heavy the rain was she was willing to wait there. Jane would understand why she got held up. She hoped Henry wasn’t too scared right now. She knew storms frightened him and now felt like she was failing him. She climbed up the stairs and opened the door. The bathing machine was shockingly dry inside even if a few gusts of wind made it rock a bit. _This will do until the storm dies down._

Sidney had seen her pink bonnet on the beach. It was the only thing he could see in this blinding rain. He was not too happy that he was drenched in this cold weather and he had no idea of Charlotte’s condition considering she had been walking from the Denham estate when the rain started. He watched as she had climbed into one of Tom’s bathing machines and he walked down to the shore.

Charlotte was listening to the wind blow and the rain pound on the roof. She hoped this wouldn’t last too long, but she had never encountered a storm like this in Willingdon. She took off her jacket hoping she wouldn’t feel so weighed down, but it was cold. Suddenly she was startled by the door opening and a wet and angry looking Sidney Parker standing in front of her. His body took up so much space and she remembered how she and Clara just barely fit comfortably in one.

“What were you thinking?” He shouted at her. “Did you not see the storm clouds on the horizon? Why would you think it would be a good idea to walk all the way to Lady Denham’s?”

“Pardon me, but last time I checked my well-being is none of your concern. I saw the clouds and believed I would make it back before the storm hit.” Charlotte replied sternly.

“Your well-being will always be of my concern. You could catch your death out here in this cold alone, but now you’re soaking wet from the rain.” He rolled his eyes and she could feel his annoyance. He was drenched and water was dripping off his face like the time she saw him at the coves.

“I’m quite well and can wait out the storm here. If you feel so inclined you can leave and go back to the hotel. I will make it home on my own once the storm passes.” She hoped he would just leave. The conversation at Lady D’s did not make her in a pleasant mood and now she could feel her clothes clinging to her body. “You also lost the right to be concerned or try and advise me on my choices the moment you engaged yourself to Eliza Campion.” _That should put him in his place. _

Charlotte was right that he had no rights to her at all, but Sidney had somehow lost the ability to just shut off his heart and feelings for her. How he had done it before was now a mystery to him.

“I’m not going anywhere. It’s not like I want to be stuck out in hurricane like weather myself.” Sidney’s tone has went from shouting to a more frustrated tone. He looked over Charlotte who was soaked to the bone. Her dark blue dress was clinging to her body and Sidney could see the outline of her figure. Putting his concern aside for a second, the sight of her in this state was causing certain physical feelings that he was rather not in the mood for at this moment. _This is going to be the longest afternoon of my life. _He remembered what it was like when he had grazed her side while they were on the river. How she felt in his arms during their first kiss. He felt so completely overwhelmed by her. Her smile, the way she smelled like lavender, and the look in her eyes when his eyes met hers. He couldn’t help but stare. She was so beautiful maybe even more now than ever. She had a slightly angry look on her face, but it made her look even more tempting. He hated to admit it but he did love a good argument with Miss Heywood. _Get a hold of yourself, fool._

Charlotte could feel him looking her over. When she first caught him looking at her over the summer she thought it was annoyance that made him look at her, but now she knew it had been more than that. She wasn’t going to lie to herself. She appreciated his attention. If she could be honest with herself at this point she hoped he pined for her. He deserved to feel the same pain she did. They had sat in silence for what seemed like hours, but was in actuality only a few minutes. She felt his gaze lower and knew exactly where he was looking.

“A penny for your thoughts Mr. Parker?” She asked.

Sidney’s eyes immediately went from her bosom to her eyes. He couldn’t believe he was that obvious, but he was a man. A lonely man at that. A man whose heart belonged to her and whose body he wished could be his.

“I was just wondering how you have liked looking after the children.” He couldn’t believe those were the words that came out of his mouth. _Why did I say that? Why do I say such nonsense around her?_

Charlotte wanted to laugh at his reply, but she had caught him off guard which satisfied her very much. “Very well. I do care for them so and have tried to keep them cheerful during my visit.”

“Do you plan on having children? Being one of eleven should give you some insight on sibling affection.” He was so flustered and felt like a fool. _I just need to stop speaking._

“Should I ever marry I believe that two would be fine enough for me. Not right away, of course, I would like to fully enjoymy husband for some time before bringing children into it, but I fear Mr. Parker that this is not a conversation I should be having with you.” The wind outside seemed to be getting stronger and being this close to him was making her out of sorts. _Does he notice that our knees are touching? Why must we be so close._

Sidney didn’t know if he heard her correctly. Did Charlotte Heywood just imply what he thought she did? _Fully enjoy my husband. __She is going to drive me mad. _He noticed that their knees were touching. How he longed to touch other parts of her. _This must be all in my head. She did not mean her words the way that they sounded._

The tension in the bathing machine was palpable. Their eyes locked in on each other and it was like nothing else mattered. They had this moment. Charlotte couldn’t believe how drawn she was to him and she knew he felt the same way. She glanced at his lips remembering the first time they kissed and stood up to try and move away from him. Even an inch would be better than nothing. The wind was howling outside and a strong gust hit the bathing machine as she stood and it knocked Charlotte into Sidney’s lap. Their faces were within an inch of each other. Without thinking Charlotte pushed her lips onto Sidney’s and an electrical current ran through her body. Sidney kissed her back with so much passion that he could hardly contain himself. He wanted her to feel how much he missed her and how much he wanted her. Just her. She was everything to him.

Charlotte pulled back and tried to steady her breathing. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. That was definitely not the proper thing to do even if you weren’t an engaged man.”

In those moments the fact that Sidney was engaged had escaped his mind. He had felt free during that kiss. Free from the outside world and its demands. “To hell with propriety.” He said as he leaned into her kissing her again. Her body being pressed against the wall as she could feel his entire weight on her. What she would give to make him hers at this moment. “Sidney” she whispered with her warm breath hitting his neck as he nipped lightly on hers. She had never said his name like that before and all he wanted at this moment was to take her to bed. “Sidney, we need to stop.”

He pulled back and tried to collect himself as best he could. No matter what his physical and emotional needs were, he knew she was right. He didn’t want to ruin her reputation and he was in fact an engaged man.

“Forgive me, Charlotte. You’re right.” He said in a low voice. After a moment in a barely audible voice he said “I love you.”

As he spoke those words it made Charlotte feel blissful, but suddenly that joy turned to anger and felt like someone had hit her in the stomach. He could see the change in her face as tears started forming in her eyes.

“I can’t do this. I don’t know why I let my emotions take over me like that. I deserve more than this. I deserve better than what you have put me through.” _Why do I let him have this power over me? I need to stop this. _

“You do deserve more. You deserve the world.”

“Why would you say that to me now? Nothing can come of this but more hurt.” Charlotte was now crying. Sidney went to touch her and she pulled away.

“You had to of known how I feel for you. I was going to propose bloody marriage.”

“You of all people know that not all marriages are based on love and affection. Maybe lust was more of a reason as to why you would have proposed. How should I know? As you said before, I am naïve and don’t know anything of love.”

“You can’t possibly have doubted my feelings for you. I could not have been clearer and I believe you know more of love than anyone I have ever known. You are good, selfless and true.”

“Clear? You confessed that you were your truest self with me. You kissed me on a cliff side. When I dared to hope that our relationship would move forward it was over as quickly as it had begun. You were off to London with no word and suddenly you’re back and engaged to her. Tell me how that is being clear. I am just a farmer’s daughter who reads and you are a man of the world with so much more experience than I have. As I just said you had called me naïve before, so maybe I was just living up to your expectation.” Charlotte didn’t even know if her words were making sense. She had so much hurt in her.

“Charlotte, I had no other choice. You said you understood and you know you are so much more than a farmer’s daughter. It is ridiculous for you to even say something such as that. I told you that I had underestimated you and I was being truthful. You have to believe that what I said was true.” Sidney pleaded.

Her voice became calmer and lower with a brokenness to it. “I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t have believed we could get through this together.” He felt the hurt in her voice and it was like a stab to the chest. “We could have figured out other options. Maybe we could have created an entire group of investors without relying on one sole person benefactor. I am sure there are plenty of acquaintances in London that would have been willing to go in as a group for a new seaside venture.”

Sidney felt like a fool. She was right and there was nothing that he could say. His focus had been on the bank lending Tom more money. Charlotte always had great ideas. _Why didn’t I just let her accompany me to London? She would have saved us all. He had underestimated her._

“I am just a young woman with no voice, no rights, and no money. I have to just accept the actions of others and pray I don’t get injured in the process.” She yelled. Sidney had been on the receiving end of her anger in the past, but this was different. The way her eyes had darkened and the quivering in her voice killed him inside. “Why did you even bother coming to say goodbye to me? You gave me the slightest moment of hope. I thought maybe you chose me, but you didn’t. It just made everything that much worse.” Charlotte could feel herself starting to lose more control and stopped talking. She took several deep breaths trying to calm her heart that was beating out of her chest.

“All I wanted to hear from you was that you loved me. That’s why I went. I had hoped to be able to take those words and live off of them for years. It was selfish of me.” He said in almost a whisper.

“Very selfish indeed to try and put that off on me.” She felt like she had nothing else to say. She imagined what a mess she must look like at this moment. Drenched from head to toe, her face red and her eyes puffy.

“Forgive me. I wouldn’t want to inflict this type of pain even on my worst enemy. More than anything I wish I could make it right. I feel like I am in the depths of hell without you.” Sidney was still speaking low and in an almost whispered voice with tears in his eyes. Admitting these feelings was hard for him. All of it was. The admission of love and guilt. The admission of pain that he knew he caused her. He put his hand towards her face and wiped her tears. This time she did not pull away. “Charlotte when I go to sleep at night I only think of you. I think of what our future would look like together. I think of so many possibilities and it all includes you. I have struggled with getting you removed from my thoughts. To know that I brought this upon us tears me apart every day.”

The sound of the rain seemed to have died down and the wind wasn’t as strong. Charlotte knew she had to leave the bathing machine regardless of what the weather was like. She couldn’t be this close to him anymore and she couldn’t hear these words. They both stood up, but he had to crouch down a bit to avoid hitting his head. She looked up at his face and they stared at each other for a moment. He pulled her into his chest so she could hear his heartbeat and he kissed the top of her head as they embraced. She finally spoke. “Sidney Parker, you’ve ruined me.” She said the last line with a slight sad smile on her face. She reached up and gave him a light kiss on the cheek. She felt better now that she had released some of the thoughts and anger that had lived within her for the past few months.

“Good day Mr. Parker”

Sidney watched as she exited the bathing machine and started walking up the sand dunes. The rain had lightened up, but there was still a drizzle. He watched as she walked away with her pink bonnet in her hand and her dark brown hair blowing in the wind. _I am going to fix this. I am going to marry that woman. __I am going to deserve her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like these two needed to kiss some more and that Charlotte needed to get angry.


	5. Meanwhile in London

Mary Parker was feeling stronger than she had in weeks and with Tom beside her it felt like her body had gotten even stronger. She had been feeling weak after the fire and believed it had been brought on my stress, but even after the news that Sanditon would be saved she was feeling out of sorts and could barely get out of bed. Dr. Fuchs thought fresh air and more exercise would improve her, but if anything it made her weaker. He had sent her off to London to see an apothecary who had started giving her herbal concoctions. He believed something was wrong with her blood, but he didn’t know what specifically. She was just glad she was started to feel more like herself.

“How did you leave Charlotte? Was she in good spirits? It was so kind of her to stay at Trafalgar house while I recuperate.” Mary asked.

“Don’t worry my dear Charlotte appeared as happy as ever and as I left she was playing with the children. I told her we didn’t expect her to stay more than a fortnight, but she seemed happy to be back in Sanditon.” Tom replied before adding “That brother of mine though. Mary, I don’t know what has gotten into him, but he seemed not too happy with me before I left.”

Mary’s face went from a light smile to that of concern. “Your brother? As in Sidney? Sidney is back in Sanditon? I thought he remained in London.”

“No, I had asked him if he could keep an eye on the finishing touches at the brownstones for a couple days and there were other business matters to attend to. He was very upset that I had asked Charlotte to help with the children. He was quite offended by it. I remember witnessing one of their interactions when she first came to Sanditon and it seemed rather cold. I’m sure you heard of their argument in the street too, but I thought they had warmed to each other at least enough to be civil. I guess I was wrong.” Tom remarked.

“Oh, Tom.” Mary sighed. “There was quite an affection between the two of them.”

“Between Charlotte and Sidney? I don’t think so, my love. Sidney has been in love with Eliza Campion for a decade. I mean he is engaged to her as we speak. No, there must be something else.” Tom said all knowingly.

“Tom, I love you, but you can be such a fool sometimes. I believe Sidney was going to propose marriage at the midsummer’s ball, but we know of the tragic events that occurred that night and it never came to pass. I had spoken briefly to both Charlotte and Sidney and I am certain that my observations were correct. You do recall that after Charlotte’s departure that Sidney became withdrawn and his temper short. There was a change. I believe your brother to be heartbroken.”

Tom sat there listening to his wife’s words. He then thought about his time in London at the ball. He had been very busy trying to spread word of the regatta, but a short memory came back to him. He remembered turning towards the dance floor and seeing the smile that lit up his brother’s face as he danced with Charlotte and the smile she had returned. At the time he thought not much of it and then after seeing Mrs. Campion, he had assumed Sidney’s smile was due to her. Now reflecting on the matter he realized he had not seen that smile on his brother’s face for years and hadn’t seen it since he announced his engagement.

“Am I that big of a fool?”

“I hate to say it Mr. Parker, but you are.” Mary smiled at him.

“I am sure my brother and Miss Heywood will mak-“ his sentence was cut off by a guest that arrived.

Tom turned towards the entry and there stood Eliza Campion.

“I apologize for interrupting your conversation. Your brother and Miss Heywood will...” She said in a slightly jealous tone.

“Mrs. Campion! It’s so nice for you to visit. I was just going to say that Sidney and Miss Heywood would find a way to be cordial to each other. They can both be hotheaded at times.” Tom responded.

“Miss Heywood is back in Sanditon? I thought she had gone back to her village at the end of summer. Why on earth would she ever return to Sanditon?” She let out a little laugh at her question. She wasn’t fond of Sanditon or Tom for that matter.

“Charlotte is helping with the children while I am on the mend, Mrs. Campion. Would you like us to call for some tea?” Mary was hoping they would change the subject. She hadn’t seen a lot of Mrs. Campion during her London stay and was kind of surprised that she was here now.

“No, that’s quite alright. My visit was intended to be short. I just wanted to see how you were feeling and if you had heard from Sidney. He hasn’t written to me in the past week.” Eliza’s looked down. “I guess he is preoccupied.” She added.

“I believe my brother will be back in London in the next couple of days. I haven’t received a post from him either, but that was the original plan.” Tom felt his stomach drop. Standing before Eliza and now knowing his brother’s feelings. He needed something stronger than tea. For all his accomplishments this year, he had failed miserably. Not only with the insurance but now with his brother’s happiness.

Eliza looked at Mary. “You do look much improved. I will leave you now so you can rest. I am sure you want to get back to the children as soon as possible. I wish you both a good day.” Eliza smiled at both of them and left.

Eliza wasn’t the sort to show her true emotions often. She had learned long ago to put on a mask. She would act overconfident especially when feeling insecure. She would hurl insults at those she felt threatened by. Anything to make her feel superior and not show weakness. There was no denying that Sidney had developed some sort of attachment to Miss Heywood, but from Eliza’s perspective it had to be fleeting. _What would those two have in common? _Their wedding had been postponed to late spring due to renovations at the church where she was set on marrying in. It was the church that most members of high society wed at.

When Eliza had first met Sidney they were quite young and full of innocence. Her father wasn’t too fond of the boy, but Eliza’s infatuation with him was apparent. Sidney’s smile and joyous nature were infectious. They had courted for a time and though Eliza knew his feelings for her were stronger than her own, she accepted his proposal knowing her girlish feelings would eventually turn to love. Three months into their engagement Eliza was introduced to Mr. Campion. He was a handsome man who was 20 years her senior. He was quite wealthy and charming. She found her confidence boosted anytime he was aroundand was shocked that she could grab the attention of a man of his position. She had developed feelings for the older man, but they weren’t the same as what she felt for Sidney. Sidney wanted to make a life for her, but the uncertainty of what their future together would look like made her doubt him. She broke off their engagement in a letter. _He deserved more than a letter but what did she know at that age. Life had not gotten a hold of her yet. _ It pained her to write it, but she knew that Sidney would move on. He had great qualities and other than his lack of fortune, would be a very amiable match for someone. After she married Mr. Campion reality came crashing down upon her. He was a stern man very set in his ways and slowly the fun, mischievous Eliza was taken over by a lady who had to keep her mouth shut and just be seen and never heard. She regretted rejecting Sidney and thought of the happiness they would have shared on a daily basis. _It is true, money cannot buy happiness. _


	6. Brownstone

The winter sun made its appearance on this crisp morning and the winds and rain had pushed aside the fog. Charlotte thought of going for a morning walk, but at this point felt like she should take a break from walking. Who knows what trouble it would bring now? She had received a post from Tom to deliver to Mr. Stringer and after breakfast decided that she would deliver it now. This afternoon would be filled with too many activities with the children.

Charlotte left the house and walked to a new row of brownstones that were in the final stages of being finished. The brownstones were closer to the sea than some of the other apartments. When she entered the one where Mr. Stringer was presently at, her breath was taken away. The interior design was beautiful with warm woods throughout. It appeared that the home was still in need of some paint and wallpaper.

“What do you think Miss Heywood?” Mr. Stringer asked.

“It’s quite remarkable Mr. Stringer.” Charlotte still taking in the details of the mold crowning and simple chandeliers.

“You haven’t seen the best part. Come with me.” She followed Mr. Stringer upstairs. He led her to the biggest bedroom where a couple men were laying tile. “The view in this brownstone is the best in Sanditon.”

Charlotte looked out the large bay window and could see the coast, the cliffs and she thought she could see the bathing machine that she had recently occupied. The thought of which made her blush. How she would love to soak up this view every day. She even imagined having a chair or two here for reading. She was lost in her daydream until a voice broke through.

“Do you like it Miss Heywood?” Sidney Parker’s voice echoed through the room.

“It’s breathtaking. There are really no words to describe it Mr. Parker” Charlotte said smiling at him. It was a real true smile that hit her eyes. “I still believe Sanditon is the most beautiful place in the world. I know I have not traveled much, but I don’t think anything could ever compare.”

“Nor I” interjected Mr. Stringer.

Sidney turned towards the other man in the room. “Do you have those wallpaper and paint samples? I would like to choose them now as I am off to London today.” He looked at Charlotte and said “If it wouldn’t trouble you I would like your input as well. I would hate to choose incorrectly.” He had a slight smile on his face. Charlotte felt a change in him. It was if he had released something from himself that was holding him down. She didn’t have time today to try and contemplate the inner workings of Sidney Parker though.

“I’ll be happy too.”

The three of them went over the stack of samples that Mr. Stringer had received from London. Charlotte felt like both of the men must have been out of their element for they both just agreed with whatever she liked. It made her think of what her future home would look like wherever that may end up.

“I think we are all set, Mr. Parker. I will get these ordered and keep you posted on when the house will be ready.” Mr. Stringer informed him. “Will you be back in Sanditon before late spring or will you arrive after? I believe your brother had said your wedding was set for then.”

“I am hoping to be in town before the spring if all goes accordingly. Thank you for your assistance Mr. Stringer. Tom is very lucky you stayed on.” Sidney was frustrated that Mr. Stringer brought up his engagement, but the man didn’t know his resolve. “Miss Heywood, would you mind accompanying me back to Trafalgar house?”

Charlotte complied and they said their goodbyes to Mr. Stringer. They walked in awkward silence back to the house. She wished she was in a world where she could take his hand and walk proudly down the street. She was so very lost and at this point had given up any hope that her heart would ever belong to anyone but him. They entered the Parkers residence and went to Tom’s office.

“Charlotte, I am departing for London right now and I know this is a bold request, but could I write to you in Willingden.”

“Mr. Parker I don’t know if that would be appropriate given the circumstances. How do you expect me to ever heal my wounds and move on if our contact is constant?” Charlotte asked.

“They won’t be of any illicit nature. It is merely friendship.” Sidney paused and looked deeply into her eyes. “All I want from you is for you to trust me right now. My intentions are honorable.”

Charlotte was getting lost in his eyes as usual. The temptation was too great. “I will not be anyone’s mistress or second choice.”

“I am not asking you to be my mistress.” Though the thoughts starting to enter his mind were anything but innocent. She was so beautiful standing there in front of the fire. _Stay on point man._ “I am simply asking you to trust me again and allow me to write you.”

Charlotte stood there in silence for a moment. “Okay.” She said with indifference written all over her face. She didn’t know if this was the right decision and she knew this was not proper, but something in her stomach told her to not let this go.

Sidney smiled at her. “Good day, Miss Heywood”

As he left Charlotte didn’t know what she had gotten herself mixed up in. Her focus for her time in Sanditon was supposed to have on the Parker children. Now she has been more honest with Sidney Parker than ever before, had a kissing session with him in a bathing machine and is now allowing him to write her. Maybe she was a glutton for punishment or maybe she just wanted to be selfish for once and have what she wanted. _I am quite befuddled._

Sidney couldn’t stop smiling on the carriage ride to London. He knew hard tasks lay ahead, but she still cared for him and that was all that mattered. He would fix the situation that he had contributed to. He had come to the realization that all he wanted in this world was to make Charlotte happy and to provide her with everything she needed in life. Upon reflection, he also realized that he was deserving of happiness and he would no longer be putting his own needs behind those of others, other than the aforementioned


	7. Willingden to London

Mary had come home a few days after Sidney had departed and she looked quite well. Color had returned to her cheeks and Charlotte could tell that being back with her children brightened Mary’s spirits. The friends had a couple of days together before Charlotte had to get back to Willingden.

“I am so sorry we couldn’t have had more time together. You will have to visit again so we can catch up.” Mary said sadly.

“I will happily come back anytime you wish to have me. I would have stayed a couple of extra days but I had promised my father that I would help him start the new crops before the spring comes.” Charlotte said smiling.

“Your disposition seems better this time than our last parting. I hope that is a good sign of things to come”

Charlotte smiled at her friend. “I don’t know. I just have this feeling that great things are on the horizon.”

“I sure do wish it for you Charlotte” Mary hugged her friend and had waved her goodbye.

Two weeks had gone by since Charlotte had left Sanditon for the second time. She had found herself busy helping her father with the estate and her mother with the children. Sidney had written her four letters already. All which were very long in length. She didn’t quite know what to think of them. He wrote stories about his youth, memories of his parents and even a couple of crazy situations that he had found himself caught up in while in Antigua. She had an odd feeling he was laying out all that he was to her. He never mentioned any feelings towards her, but she felt like she was understanding more of who he was with every letter she received. They had a connection no doubt, but these letters let her dive into his mind even deeper. Maybe she shouldn’t be so trusting of him, but she something in her stomach was telling her she could.

“Charlotte!” Her father yelled. She ran downstairs. “You have a post.”

Charlotte’s father looked at the handwriting on the envelope. He could tell it wasn’t the gentleman’s handwriting. “Charlotte, do take care. A woman’s reputation once tarnished can never be recovered.”

Charlotte knew what her father was implying. “Do not fret. My heart is guarded and the letters I receive are not of an illicit nature. It’s purely friendship.”

“Friendship with an engaged man.” Her father said before he left the room. Charlotte ignored him. She knew her father’s position on the matter, but he let Charlotte make her own choices.

The letter she received today was from Esther.

_Dear Charlotte,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. My aunt told me of your visit to Sanditon and I was sad that I was not there to welcome your company. Lord Babington and I are at our London home for the season. We had planned to go back in spring, but it looks like that will be postponed to the summer. I have missed your company. Would you mind coming to visit me in London? I am sure you could help brighten up this dreary place._

_With much affection,_

_Esther_

Charlotte didn’t even have to think twice. She wrote to Esther accepting her invitation. She then wrote to Georgiana.

_Dearest Georgiana,_

_This letter will be short in nature as I need to start packing, but I am headed to London tomorrow. I will be staying with Lord and Lady Babington and I would love to see you while I am there. It has been too long and our letters too scarce._

_Your friend,_

_Charlotte_

There was a haze that enveloped London. This was Charlotte’s second visit to the town, but under much better circumstances. She was hoping to catch some of the sights and exhibits while she was there, but mostly she couldn’t wait to be in the company of friends. She loved Willingdon, but with the new relationships she had formed and experiences she had, it was hard to stay there for too long without getting restless.

“Charlotte!” Esther exclaimed as she greeted her. “I am so glad you could make it. Are you well? You look well.” Esther was a little more enthusiastic than usual.

“I am quite well. Thank you so much for having me.” Charlotte looked around the room at all the ornate decorations. “Your home is quite lovely.”

“Does it seem odd that I miss the simple things in Sanditon?” Esther asked. She was glowing and looked beautiful and radiant. She was wearing an emerald green dress that complimented her red hair and the dash of freckles on her nose.

“I remember once someone telling me how much I would regret coming to Sanditon, just as they had. It really works its way into you and doesn’t let go, does it?” Charlotte said as Esther nodded in agreement. “Marriage appears to be suiting you very well. You look radiant.”

“I hate to say it out loud, Charlotte, but I have never been this happy in my entire life. I didn’t even know this much happiness could exist.” Esther was beaming.

“That is such a wonderful thing to hear. I am assuming that your fashion has also been effected by this change? You always looked nice in black, but this shade of green is magnificent.” Charlotte teased.

“I feel as though I have a whole new life. I scarcely remember the last one. Babington has made me the happiest woman alive. I am so grateful that I put my stubbornness aside and accepted him.”

“The road to love can be rocky.”

“Indeed it can. Before I forget, and I hate to put this upon you, but we were just invited to a ball tonight. I understand if you want to rest after your journey, but I would be grateful if you came. I am sure Babington will be socializing with the men for a bit and some of these society women aren’t my cup of tea.”

Charlotte was tired, but she had not been to a ball since the summer. “Actually I would love to go.”

“Great! I actually had a dress ordered for you.” Esther said beaming.

“That is rather presumptuous, but I like it.” Charlotte was so happy to be reunited with Esther. She had shown her true colors after the fire and the events that followed. Charlotte now regarded her as a kindred spirit.

“Let’s have some tea and then we’ll have your dress fitted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Esther.


	8. Another London Ball

Charlotte’s breath was taken away as she entered the ballroom with the Babingtons. It was late winter and the room was lit up by beautiful candles. The flames flickered off the crystal throughout the room. All the men in black tuxes while the women wore silver.

Esther had picked out a lovely gown for Charlotte that had some beading in the bodice. She did feel like it may have been a tinge too low cut, but Esther insisted it was still appropriate and that maybe she could grab a gentleman’s eye.

A gentleman’s eye she did catch, that gentleman being Sidney Parker. Lord Babington had told him that Miss Heywood would be staying with them in London for a week. Charlotte had not written about her coming to London since her letters were similar to his revealing details about herself that he had not yet learned. He studied every little detail of the stories she told. He already knew her to be quick witted and funny, but her letters made him laugh just thinking about them. He had seen her enter the ballroom with the Babingtons and could barely breathe. If circumstances were different he would run to her, scoop her up and take her back home to bed. He smiled at the thought. He noticed the other gentlemen in the room taking notice of her and it made him rather jealous.

“I haven’t seen you smile like that in sometime Sidney. Can I ask what brought it about?” Eliza asked. Eliza had seen Miss Heywood enter the ball and saw the change in Sidney’s body language immediately.

“I was just thinking that this ball is such a sham. Everyone trying to compete with one another and hide their true selves.” Sidney spoke in a calm manner. He watched as Charlotte was immediately asked to dance by Lord Rochester. Charlotte was smiling politely, but he could tell it wasn’t her real smile. The one he had the pleasure of seeing man times over.

Eliza knew that was not the cause of his smile, but believed that his answer wasn’t a lie. She knew he hated being out in London society and would twinge anytime she mentioned it. She had grown accustomed to these things and actually enjoyed it. “Let’s go say hello to the Babingtons.” She grabbed Sidney’s arm and drug him over. _I feel like I am betraying Charlotte every time she does that. _He only wanted one woman touching him even in a simple manner as taking one’s arm and that one woman was Charlotte. Sidney had noticed the dance was done and Charlotte had joined Esther.

Charlotte had caught a glance of Sidney standing in the corner. She had seen him smile to himself and then turn to Mrs. Campion. She observed how confident he appeared. For an outlier he knew out to stand out in a room, but maybe she was just partial. She was watching him drink his wine when the couple turned and started heading towards their group.

“Lord and Lady Babington” Eliza greeted them and nodded. “Miss Heywood, if I remember correctly.”

Charlotte smiled at Eliza and Sidney couldn’t help but clench his jaw. “Mrs. Campion” Charlotte’s attention then turned towards Sidney “Mr. Parker, are you doing well?”

“Quite well, thank you.” They tried not to hold each other’s gaze for too long.

The group stood in silence for a moment. Each party member with different thoughts going through their head until Lord Babington broke the silence. He turned towards Esther “May I have this next dance, my lady?” Esther’s smile lit up her face “You, sir, may have any dance you wish.” They walked off happily to the dance floor.

“Are you inclined to dance, Miss Heywood?” Eliza inquires. “I am sure we can find a gentleman for you.”

“Actually, I am quite tired from the journey and that first dance was enough for me. I may just find a place to retreat and observe the general splendor.” Charlotte was indeed tired and even though she felt beautiful in her dress she wasn’t inclined to dance with anyone or spend any more time in the presence of Mrs. Campion. She knew insults would eventually be headed her way and she may not end up acting in a lady like manner.

“That won’t do. I am sure Sidney would be a willing partner. He can take it easy on you. You mustn’t come all this way for one dance.” Eliza replied. Sidney didn’t know what game Eliza was playing. “Go Sidney, I just saw the Lucas’ walk in and want to greet them.”

Sidney looked at Charlotte. “Well, Miss Heywood, would you care to dance?” Even though Sidney didn’t know what Eliza was up to, he wasn’t going to pass up a chance to be close to Charlotte. He felt reckless.

Charlotte smiled slightly and allowed him to lead her to the dance floor. Both of them trying to keep an appropriate distance between them.

Georgiana and Arthur Parker had arrived and saw the two walking towards the dance floor.

“What does your brother think he is doing with Charlotte?” Georgiana said in a very harsh tone. “I will not let him cause her harm again.”

“Miss Lambe, I really feel that wasn’t his intent to begin with. Something odd is happening here and I would trust that it has something to do with Eliza Campion. I can’t imagine she would allow Sidney to dance freely with Miss Heywood unless there was some underlying motive.” Arthur replied.

The two stood and continued to watch the couple. Sidney took Charlotte’s hand in his and wrapped his arm around her trying to remember where the proper hand placements were since. He wanted to wrap his arms around her waist and pull her close to him, but he knew that there were multiple eyes on him.

“I have to say Mr. Parker that I wasn’t expecting my night to be going like this.” Charlotte looked into his eyes.

“I would have to agree with you Miss Heywood, but I am definitely not unhappy about this change of events.” Sidney was consciously trying not to stare at her like he did during their second dance.

“How has your time in London been?”

“It’s been quite productive I dare say. Things are looking quite well for Sanditon.” He smiled at Charlotte.

They danced the rest of their time together in silence while stealing secret looks from one another. For a moment they felt as though everybody else in the room disappeared.

In the corner of the room Eliza had been watching the two with intense eyes. She knew she must have shocked them both by suggesting they dance, but she felt like she needed to observe them once more. She remembered when she had come upon them at the regatta. Her heart had pinged with jealousy when she saw the way Sidney was touching Miss Heywood’s hand. She had called out his name and he jumped up like he had been a child caught stealing a cookie from the kitchen. As she watched them now she could see their eye contact and their longing looks. It made her feel sad. Sad for her. Sad for them. _I believe it is time for some honesty._

The two left the dance floor and smiled sweetly at each other. Charlotte made her way to where Georgiana and Arthur were and spent the rest of the evening in their company. They made her laugh and she could see how much Arthur had lifted Georgiana’s spirits. They had become great friends.


	9. Putting the Past Behind You

Sidney had walked the Babingtons to their carriage and said goodnight to Charlotte. They had only danced the one dance, but his heart was soaring. He had been meeting with different investors all week trying to raise more money for Sanditon. He convinced two wealthy gentlemen to join the venture. He knew there was a lot of money to raise, but believed they could make it happen. This ball reminded him of what he was doing this all for. He feared people may think he was a mad man with the amount of letters he sent out and discussions he was having. In business he was somewhat restrained and hard to read, just like he was in life. He decided he would take a page from Tom’s book and attempt to be more enthusiastic. It felt odd, but as long as it helped reach his end goal he would look more foolish.

He walked back towards the entrance, but Eliza was already waiting outside.

“Do you mind taking me home?” She asked in a quiet voice.

He felt a shift in her and offered her his arm, which she took. They made it back to her place. It always felt cold to him here. It had been Mr. Campion’s home for many years before Eliza came into his life. They entered the drawing room and Sidney knew it was now or never.

“Eliza” He started to speak, but she interrupted.

“I know, Sidney.” She said solemnly.

“Know what?”

“I know you have been writing to Miss Heywood. I found one of her letters to you and even though I don’t understand why someone would write about shooting rabbits to a gentleman, you obviously like that sort of thing.”

“I am sorry you found out that way, but I am not sorry for the letters. They were written in the nature of friendship.”

She hesitated. “But you love her?”

“Yes, I do. It’s hard to explain but I needed some connection to her. She helps me feel alive.” His words effected Eliza. She wasn’t hurt by them, but had more of an envious reaction. It wasn’t a jealousy that Miss Heywood held Sidney’s heart she was more jealous that they had found each other. She was jealous of their connection that she had seen firsthand. _Will I ever find that?_

“Eliza, when we were younger I loved you and couldn’t wait for us to be joined in marriage. I felt that your feelings weren’t as strong as mine, but at the time I believed it would develop into something more. I thought time would allow your feelings to become as deep as mine. When you ended our engagement it broke the boy that I was. You know the path that it led me down. I was crumbling and yet you were out in society as if nothing had ever happened.” Sidney knew he had to lay everything out honestly.

“Sidney, I did care about you a lot. I didn’t know for sure if it was love because I had never been in love before. I had to choose a more secure future for myself. You couldn’t offer me that.”

“I couldn’t offer you money so you chose to break off our engagement in a poorly written letter. It was so hard for me to get over that. I had gone off to Antigua to make something of myself. It only brought more hardship, but in the end I did prosper. I wanted to prove to you that I could even if I wasn’t with you. There were so many nights I had hoped you would come back into my life. .”

“I can’t go back and change the past, Sidney.” Eliza was feeling emotional and she could feel tears starting to form. “I am sorry. If I would have known what the future held I would have chosen differently. I felt so trapped in my marriage to Mr. Campion and it was quite an unhappy marriage.”

“A wise woman once said that marriage should be based on mutual love and affection. I am sorry you haven’t found an amiable match for yourself.” He whispered remembering that luncheon with Charlotte.

“I think what I am feeling is more about regret and the unknown. It’s more about lost hope and what might have been all those years ago.” It was at this moment Eliza realized how she wasn’t truly in love with Sidney, but the idea of him from all those years ago. She had romanticized him for 10 years. “I saw you dancing tonight and even though you were trying to hide it....you never looked at me that way before.”

“If I daresay, how are we to know if our marriage would have ended up a happy one? Your infatuation with me may have ended up as something fleeting and we could be standing here, as we are now, at a moment of feeling indifference.” Sidney could feel those old buried wounds he had healing as he spoke his truth. “Forgive me, I am aware that I caught you up in this mess after our conversation at the regatta”

“You were clear then. You told me you didn’t have any intention of attaching yourself to me again. I’m the one who took advantage of your brother’s circumstances and forced an engagement upon you. It was a selfish move on my part.”

Sidney knew this to be true and at this point didn’t know how to respond. Eliza broke the silence again.

“Sidney, I am releasing you from our engagement.”

“Excuse me?”

“I am releasing you from our engagement. I know that we were never meant to be. I had put this idea of you up on a pedestal and had these dreams of us being together one day, but the man and woman we are now are not the same as we were then. I had thought that you would have started having feelings for me again, but these last months have showed me that cannot be. You cannot force affection. We both deserve more than that.”

Sidney felt such a calm come over him. He was free to be with Charlotte and he could feel his legs start to go weak under him.

“In addition, I am willing to provide 20,000 pounds towards the Sanditon investment. I know that isn’t everything you need, but you are a smart man and I’m sure you’ll come up with the rest of the money, but I feel as though your brother Tom should be working as hard on this as you have been, if I may be so bold to say.”

“Eliza, I don’t know what to say. You don’t have to-.”

“I wish you all the happiness Sidney and maybe helping you out will help make amends for our past. I am sorry for the pain I caused you. I will be clear if anyone asks that they know this was a mutual parting and we are just changed people.”

“I don’t regret our past. It has helped shaped me into the man I am today.” And the man that Charlotte loves.


	10. Back to Willingden

Sidney had been busy with meeting with Sanditon investors and had not had the time to call on Miss Charlotte Heywood. It was hard to conduct business when all that was on his mind was her. He no longer felt shackled and chained, but there was still work to be done with obtaining more funds for the Sanditon venture. He had managed to obtain three quarters of the money that was needed for the project.

He had a meeting with Lord Babington about the funding situation.

“Esther has become very fond of Sanditon and one of my recent venture has paid off, so I can invest in your cause. From what I hear the brownstones that have been built are spectacular.” Lord Babington said.

“They are a sight to be seen. Mr. Stringer has been gifted with an eye to detail. They have amazing views of the sea. I have recently acquired one myself.” Sidney took a drag of his cigarette.

“Not to sound harsh, but Mrs. Campion did not seem fond of Sanditon so I can’t imagine she would want to spend that much time there. Unless that is your home to escape to.” Babington realized what he said. “I’m sorry old friend. I should not have made that last remark. I just know that isn’t where your heart is.”

“You are correct. Mrs. Campion was not fond of Sanditon, but that isn’t a concern of mine anymore.” Sidney couldn’t help but grin. The fact that it wasn’t a concern anymore was such a relief. “To be honest when I bought it I had hoped for other possibilities.”

“What do you mean?”

“I am no longer engaged to Mrs. Campion. We parted ways on good terms actually and if people ask they will be told that we parted amiably. We are different people than we were in our youth. I have made peace with my past and I’m looking forward to the future.” Sidney had never felt so optimistic in his life. Every time he was close to happiness something would go wrong. “I know it’s going to work out this time.”

“I am assuming your future and these ideas you speak of still include the lovely Miss Heywood.” Babington smiled at his friend. He knew the despair that had previously ensnared him and was glad to see him free.

Esther walked into the room. “Mr. Parker I didn’t know you were here. Sorry to interrupt, I had just come in to let Lord Babington know that Charlotte had to leave this morning. It was a sudden thing.”

“Is she okay?” Sidney stood up urgently.

“Physically she is fine, but there was some family emergency that called her back early to Willingden. She was quite concerned and wanted me to pass on her regards to Lord Babington and Georgiana.”

“Please excuse me now.” Sidney said and rushed out the door.

“That man always has one thing or another going on.” Esther laughed. “I wonder where he is off to.”

“Do you? He is off to Willingden and may even make it there before Miss Heywood.” Babington replied.

His wife sat upon his lap. “You know you don’t have to call me Lord Babington when we are among friends.” He looked at her lovingly.

“I know, but I find it rather stimulating” She kissed her husband and provided a sly grin. “Do you think you have a moment to assist me with something in the bedroom?”

“Whatever will make you happy my dear Esther” He smiled.

“It will.” She kissed him again. “I love you, Lord Babington.” As she led him upstairs.


	11. Surprise Guest

Charlotte had received the post that morning. Her father had fallen and was injured. The letter didn’t describe the extent of the injuries, but with the demanding situations she had endured during the past year she didn’t want to delay going home. She knew it would take her older brother longer to get home. She hated having to depart so quickly. She didn’t know if she should feel relieved that she didn’t have a proper parting or not. Their history of saying goodbye had been confusing, heartbreaking, hopeful and confusing to say the least.

She was very confused as to why Mrs. Campion would have suggested he dance with her. Was that woman that cruel? She had to have known there at been some sort of attachment at one point between Charlotte and Sidney. Reflecting on what had happened at the regatta, Charlotte, who was too naive at the time, realized Mrs. Campion had felt threatened by her. Lady Susan had told her that she was Mrs. Campion’s weakness, but she had not believed it.

Sidney had looked so dapper at the ball. _I have never seen a man look so handsome. _It is so very hard for a young woman to contain her emotions and, to be honest, her physical attraction. She felt like he could see right through her sometimes. She had to get these thoughts out of her mind. _What had Sidney Parker done to her? _Even with her father’s injuries she thought of him. It was a fruitless effort anyways. Late spring would be here in no time and Mrs. Campion would be Mrs. Parker. The final nail would be pounded into Charlotte’s heart and she would finally be forced to let him go. She had been acting all out of sorts. Kissing him in the bathing machine. Telling him he could write to her. None of these things were proper and she shouldn’t have done it, but one thing that she had learned in the months following the fire was that she was tough. She was not like other young women. She could hunt, assist with broken legs, organize, and plan. She had brilliant ideas. She attracted great people to her. She wasn’t just some farmer’s daughter as herself and others had said. There was so much more to her and if others couldn’t see it that was their loss. She was the one and only Charlotte Heywood. _I must remind myself of this every day until I believe it to my core._

Sidney figured that horseback would get him to Willingden faster and calculated that he was a few hours behind her. He didn’t really know what he meant to accomplish. He wasn’t in the position to offer marriage yet. He knew she didn’t care for money, but he wanted to enter their marriage free of all the bad decisions that Tom had placed upon them. He just knew that he wanted her to know he was free from Mrs. Campion and express his feelings once again. He also cared about her well-being and if her family was in crisis he wanted to be there for it.

Charlotte had slept on the rest of her ride to Willingdon. When she arrived home the house seemed calmer than it should have been.

“Charlotte, you made it. I’m afraid we may have written too hastily. We believed your father had severely injured himself but now it appears he was just concussed.” Her mother explained. “He had given us quite the scare and had fallen and banged his head. He had passed out and we didn’t know if he would wake. The moment I sent the post he awoke and the doctor said he just needs to take it easy the next few weeks. Your brother is on his way home now and will be taking care of things until the doctor gives the doctor the okay to get back to work.”

“I am glad he is doing well and honestly it’s nice to be home. I have been trying to clear my head.”

“Are you okay, Charlotte?”

“Oh, don’t be concerned. I am quite well. I was just reflecting on the past year and so many experiences and adventures have taken place that I think I’m ready to settle down. I may need to find some new books to read.”

“May I assist you in finding new reading material?” Sidney had walked into the room without her knowing. Charlotte was shocked to see him and the fact that he made it to Willingdon before her, but there had been several delays with her carriage.

“Forgive me Charlotte, I forgot to tell you that your friend Mr. Parker got here just prior to your arrival.” One of the babies started to cry and Mrs. Heywood excused herself.

“Am I never to escape you Mr. Parker?” Charlotte was slightly annoyed and wondered if this is how Sidney had felt with her constant presence.

“I sure hope not.” He said in a flirty manner.

“May I ask what you’re doing here? Why aren’t you in London?”

“My business is here. There is nothing left for me back in London.”

“I feel as though Mrs. Campion wouldn’t agree with that statement.”

“Mrs. Campion is currently on her way to Paris with some of her friends. I believe they will be staying there throughout the summer, if you are curious about her plans.”

Charlotte’s face had a confused and annoyed expression take over. “If I recall isn’t your wedding planned for the late spring?”

“There will be no wedding. We have parted ways.” Sidney said this so nonchalantly that Charlotte felt a little like hitting him, but that would not do.

“So you are no longer engaged?” She just couldn’t believe the words she was hearing.

“Presently, no. I have been thinking of just becoming a man of leisure.” He said teasingly.

“Well, if that’s the case maybe I should work at becoming a woman of leisure.” Charlotte smiled at him.

“I have no doubt Miss Heywood that you could do anything you set your mind to.”

“You know there is not much to do in Willingden. What are your plans?”

“I was thinking I might just take in the air, read a book or two….who knows.” Sidney stared into her eyes. He didn’t step any closer to her knowing that her parents were in the next room. He wanted to take this slow. He wanted to cherish every moment resisting every urge to scoop her up in his arms. “I have a room at the inn. If I may, can I call on you tomorrow?”

“You may.”


	12. Lady Denham

The next few days were pure bliss. Sidney would call on her every day at the same time. The weather was still chilly but they bundled up and would go on walks. They even had a picnic. Charlotte’s sister Alison served as chaperone. Sidney seemed so much happier and freer. The burdens he had seemed to have been lifted. Sidney was eager to learn about her family and was impressed by everything Charlotte knew how to do. He believed she may even be a better shot than him. Sidney shared more about himself. Some things he wasn’t so proud of, but now that he was accepting of the experiences he had been through it was easier for him to share. Charlotte felt that her understanding of Sidney had deepened and she truly knew who he was. Their feelings from the summer seemed to have increased a hundredfold in such a quick amount of time. The heartbreak Charlotte had been through had scarred her, but made her evaluate herself and realize how worthy she was. They both had grown to know they deserved happiness and as long as they were together they would not be lacking.

One afternoon they were in the stables brushing down the horses. He stared at Charlotte, watching a few droplets of sweat form on her brow. Her breath was growing heavier as she put more force into the brush stroke. He watched her chest move up and down. He leaned over and gently pushed a strand of hair that had fallen in her face behind her ear. She looked at him smiling.

“You like doing this?” He asked. He still couldn’t get used to Charlotte’s unexpected interests or qualities. He knew she didn’t compare to any other woman he had ever met. He loved that she was so willing to get dirty and not be afraid to do hard work.

“I love horses. I love the idea of just jumping on the back of one and riding free through the fields. It’s peaceful and exciting at the same time. Sometimes I come down here to read too. I know it’s an odd spot, but there is something magnificent about horses.” Charlotte said while continued brushing.

“I can understand. The sea gives me the same feeling. There isn’t anywhere to swim in Willingdon is there?”

“Mr. Parker, I don’t think Willingdon is quite ready for that.” She teased. He started to blush. He tried to block out that she had already seen him completely naked.

“Not that I want you to get that image out of your head, but I regret to inform you that it’s time I get back to Sanditon. There are a few matters that I have put off as long as I could. I need to deal with them. Tom probably thinks I dropped off the earth.” He really didn’t want to go back yet, but he had to finish getting investors. “May I be brazen enough to ask you to come back with me? Obviously, as a guest of Mary.”

“I would gladly come back with you.” There was no other answer Charlotte would have given. She never wanted to be parted from him.

The next morning they packed up to leave. Sidney had taken longer than she thought he should have with giving his goodbyes to her family. He had enjoyed being around such a large and loving family. Sidney helped Charlotte into the carriage and took his place across from her. Once they were out of town and out of prying eyes he moved to her side of the carriage. He fixated on her eyes and then moved his glare to her full lips. “Charlotte” he whispered. “Yes” she whispered back with her heart pounding waiting for him to kiss her. “You should try to get some rest.” _Why is he teasing me like this?_ He then placed her hand in his. She leaned her head to his chest and could feel his heart beating. He rested his chin on her head and breathed in the lavender scent of her hair. He lightly kissed her head and looked out the carriage window. Neither of them wanted to be anywhere else.

Their carriage pulled up to Trafalgar house and Mary was there to greet them. She looked rather solemn.

“Mary, what is it?” Sidney asked very concerned.

“It’s Lady Denham. Tom just received word that she is gravely ill. This time they do not believe she will recover.” Mary said sadly.

“I must go see her.” Charlotte exclaimed.

“I’ll go with you as I was just about to go myself.” Mary said.

“Are you well enough to walk, Mary?” Charlotte inquired.

“I am quite well.” Mary looked at Sidney “Tom is in his office. He has been expecting you. He was worried, but seeing whom you are with I can safely assume all is well.”

“Very well. I will go speak to Tom.” Sidney looked at Charlotte. _Her face is so beautiful it hurts._ Even when she was sad he was in awe of her. “I’ll see you later.”

Sidney did not need another financial hiccup when it came to Sanditon, not that he was only thinking of himself. Lady Denham was a handful, but she was one of the people who originally believed in Tom. Sidney knew this time they would figure out whatever may come their way. He still had interested investors.

Sidney entered Trafalgar house and found Tom pacing in his office. “Sidney, did you hear the poor news about Lady Denham?” Tom said with panic in his tone. “I don’t know what I will do without her backing. Luckily with Mrs. Campion’s funds we should be safe for a while.”

“Tom-“Sidney tried to get a word in.

“Every time I think everything is in place another hardship occurs. I don’t know what we are going to do Sidney” Tom kept rambling and Sidney had had enough.

“Tom!’ He yelled. He could feel his long held anger building. “We will not be doing anything.”

“What nonsense are you speaking?” Tom asked.

“Tom I am going to speak and you are going to listen. Actually listen to what I am saying. Sit down.” Sidney commanded his older brother who was rather shocked by Sidney’s tone so he complied. “I will forever be grateful for what you did for me when I went to Antigua. I know I was a lost cause at that point and your assistance saved me from complete destruction, but I cannot continue to feel obligated to take care of all of your problems. I have enabled you too long and have allowed myself to be manipulated into things I did not want to do. I take responsibility for not speaking up for myself sooner, but this can no longer be.”

“Sidney I-“Tom tried to speak.

“I am not finished. I am no longer obliged to Mrs. Campion. We ended our engagement when I was in London. It was a mutual separation as there were no feelings between us. I have found various investors who have agreed to provide funds for the Sanditon project. I only need a couple more before we will be fully funded with a decent reserve account as well. It was Charlotte’s idea to focus on investors instead of one benefactor or a bank loan. Speaking of the lovely Miss Heywood, I have loved her since last summer and I have received her father’s permission to marry her. Once this Sanditon funding business is settled I plan on proposing. I cannot wait any longer. The painful separation we have been through has been to much and I refuse to let it continue any longer. My priorities have changed and I will no longer be able to be your fixer. You will need to start stepping up and fixing your own issues as they come. My priority now is Charlotte and the life I am going to build with her.” Sidney was rather pleased that he could get all that information out without Tom speaking a word.

Tom was still sitting down at his desk. He took a moment to process what was being said. “Sidney, I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t know what to say except I know I have failed you as a brother these last few years and I plan on atoning for my actions. I never intentionally meant to cause you harm. I know that my ambition for Sanditon has blinded me. You deserve all the happiness in the world Sidney”

_I finally believe I do._ Sidney nodded at Tom and left to check on the brownstone. There was nothing left to say at the moment.

Charlotte and Mary walked to Lady Denham’s in silence for a while.

“It seems like so long ago that we made our first trip to Lady Denham’s, so many things have changed since then. I can’t believe how much I have experienced in so little time and yet I still feel like there are so many more adventures on the horizon.” Charlotte observed. Mary took her arm in hers and patted it.

“Dear Charlotte, you helping our carriage was one of the biggest blessings our family has ever received. The friendship you have provided me. The care you take when looking after the children. The ideas you have provided Tom. I know how he is with providing credit, but I know how much you did for him and even after his reckless decisions caused you pain, you were still willing to be there for us. You are one of a kind Charlotte.” Mary was so proud to call Charlotte her friend. “And if I may, the happiness you have brought to Sidney is something I have so longed for. As I told you the first time we walked this path. I just want him settled. I am assuming Mrs. Campion is no longer in the picture or he would not be so forward with you.”

Charlotte smiled. “Mary, I would never wish harm to anyone, but I am glad that your carriage crashed.”

They made it to Lady Denham’s and Esther greeted them.

“Ladies, thank you for coming. My aunt is quite clear headed at the moment, but they believe she will not last these two days. The ailment she had in the summer has returned. Charlotte, she has been asking for you.”

Esther grabbed Charlotte’s hand and led her to the bedroom.

“Miss Heywood, I am happy to see you. I wanted to tell you something.” She looked at Esther and nodded for her to exit. Once the door was closed she continued. “Esther is aware of what I am about to tell you so keep that in mind when I tell you my news.”

Charlotte was confused and her face probably showed.

“Don’t be worried silly girl. The moment I met you I admired your opinions, resolve and sharp mind. I know you didn’t come to Sanditon looking for a husband or wanting any attachment, but I did love to tease you. Your independent nature reminded me a lot of myself. We are both quite bold, aren’t we?” Charlotte smiled. She had an affection for Lady Denham that she wouldn’t have expected after their first meeting. “I had loved a man when I was younger, but I was passed over for another woman with a large fortune. These marriage arrangements can be quite cruel and as you said without love and affection they can be a form of slavery. My marriage was not full of love. We barely liked each other. Looking back it was a good thing we didn’t have children for who knows how we would have ruined them. I am happy that Esther has found a good match and that love is there. I want the same for you. I don’t want you to worry about financial matters. I had my solicitor draw up a new will the last time we spoke. I am leaving my inheritance to you. I trust that you will manage it well.”

Charlotte was shocked to say the least. “Ma’am, I can’t.”

“Yes, you will. You can keep investing it in Sanditon or run off to the Indies, but it’s yours to write your own story with. The reality of our days is too unbearable and with your brilliant mind you have things to do. It’s like I am investing in the future and I will leave this world knowing that I was able to contribute to your happiness.”

“Lady Denham, this is all too much.”

“Esther is in agreement. There will be no arguing. Now thank me and let me die in peace” Lady Denham said smiling at Charlotte.

“Thank you Lady Denham”

“And Charlotte, I’m sorry I won’t be here to see you walk down the aisle. That Mr. Parker has always been a handsome gent.”

Charlotte kissed the old woman’s forehead and left.


	13. New Beginnings

After Lady Denham’s funeral Esther went back to London but promised she would be back by the summertime. There was gossip in town wondering about Lady Denham’s estate and what would become of it. Everyone assumed that Esther had indeed been the heiress, but neither one of them spoke of what had transpired with Lady Denham.

Sidney had enlisted the help of Lord Babington to get the last needed investor for Sanditon. Lord Babington did not disappoint and had secured the funding from a new investment company called The Thornton Group and they provided the rest of the funds needed for the project.

Charlotte was sitting in Tom’s office thinking about the last three weeks since Lady Denham’s death. There was paperwork for her to review and sign. She was still in shock. She had never imagined she would be in this position. Now she had an estate and funds that could take her anywhere. The worst thing was nobody knew but Esther.

“Good afternoon Charlotte.” Sidney had entered the room smiling. “I was wondering if you would accompany to the brownstones. Mr. Stringer has told me they are done with the wallpaper and paint. I wanted your eyes on it so make sure everything is to your satisfaction.”

It was springtime and the weather was warming up. Soon the town would be filled with new residents. Sidney walked closely to Charlotte as they walked to the brownstones.

“It’s a beautiful day isn’t it, Mr. Parker?”

“My thoughts exactly, but you know you can call me Sidney. I believe we are at that point now.”

“I apologize, it’s an old habit I guess.”

They walked into the brownstone and it looked more spectacular than the last time she saw it. She walked through the house gliding her hand against the molding and little details throughout. Sidney just stared at her as she took in all in. He led her upstairs to the room they had stood in before.

“It looks as lovely as I imagined it would. You must have trusted me quite a bit to choose someone else’s decor.”

“You have a good eye and I trust your judgment.”

She turned towards the big bay window looking out at the sea. “I have to say that I am quite jealous of whoever will be able to wake up to this view every day. I can just picture myself sitting in a chair reading Heraclitus.” She looked at him smiling.

“So can I.” He took her hands and turned her towards him. They were standing so close she could feel his breath on her. He was breathing heavily and he pressed his forehead to hers.

“Are you okay, Sidney?” He raised his head and their eyes met.

“I am perfectly well.” He released his breath. Just the sound of her saying his name made a shiver run through him. “Forgive me, this has been delayed for far too long. This isn’t the grand ballroom or romantic seaside cliffs that I had planned on.” He took another breath and his hands squeezed hers tighter. “Charlotte, will you do me the honor of being my wife?”

Charlotte smiled the same sweet smile she had when they kissed on the cliffs. “This setting is quite perfect. It’s our home.”

“You knew?”

“Just before Esther left. She had mentioned you had purchased a brownstone. I had thought it was this one, but didn’t know for sure until now.”

“So that was a yes?”

“Yes, Sidney” He leaned down to her and they kissed. It was soft and tender and felt just right. They both had tears in their eyes and kissed in their future bedroom for several minutes. He had waited so long for this moment that he didn’t want to let her go.

A few days before the wedding Charlotte walked into the brownstone. Sidney had been busy getting all the furniture in place. He had insisted on hiring a maid and butler, but Charlotte had resisted and said she wanted to run her own home for a while, but her real purpose was to be alone with Sidney as much as possible. No interruptions from anyone, as she had grown to truly despise interruptions. He definitely wasn’t going to start fighting with his future wife prior to their wedding, but was able to convince her to allow him to hire a cook.

“Sidney, may I have a moment?” She had her serious look on her face. A look he knew all too well. “I need to speak to you about something.”

“Charlotte, I do assure you that your father will be here on time and I got his permission to marry his eldest daughter when we were both in Willingden.” She had been nervous about her father getting here on time due to him never traveling. Sidney didn’t want her to worry about anything.

“I know that, but that isn’t what I wanted to tell you.” Charlotte nervously smiled at her fiancé.

“What is it?” Sidney starting to feel slightly concerned.

“I have a confession to make. I’m The Thornton Group.” She exclaimed.

“You’re what?” Sidney seemed confused.

“Lord Babington’s investment company that he found to invest in the town. That is me. I didn’t know how to approach this subject before so I enlisted Lord Babington’s help. Before Lady Denham died she bequeathed me her estate. The only persons that know besides the solicitor and bank are Lord and Lady Babington. Lady D had grown quite fond of me.”

“My dearest Charlotte, everyone grows fond of you, but that is quite a gift.” He was rather shocked by his fiancée’s sudden change in fortune.

“She knew that the depths of my love for you could never be measured and she wanted to provide me the chance to be able to marry for love. Lord Babington had told me when we were in London how you were working day and night trying to secure funding for Sanditon. I didn’t know at the time why you were being so diligent when you had already secured funding by other means.” She glared at him for a second. “But once you told me of your broken engagement I figured it out on my own. You were trying to make sure Tom was settled so we could be free. After Lady Denham left me her money and knowing you were still short funding, I asked for Lord Babington’s help to get the rest of the money to you. You were doing everything for our happiness and I felt like I needed to contribute to it as well. We are going into this marriage as partners, are we not?”

“Charlotte, I would say we are going into this marriage as equals, but I feel that you will always be the better person”

“Sidney, we have both gone through so much this past year and I feel like we have both come out of it as better people. I don’t care about Lady Denham’s money and would prefer if nobody knew we had it. I didn’t come to Sanditon in need or want of a husband, but I have fallen madly in love with you and while I still stand by the fact that I am not in need of a husband, I want one and I want you to be it. You are perfect to me in every way. Even when you are a brute.” Charlotte had tears starting to form in her eyes. She couldn’t contain just how happy she was at this moment. Sidney reached out to Charlotte and put his arm around her waist and pulled her close to him.

“Charlotte, I love you more than you’ll ever know and I hope to be able to show you every day how much you mean to me. I never want to be parted from you. Your wish is my command and I just want to make you happy. Happier than every other woman in the world. My love for you is so deep and pure. I would go through all the torment and pain a hundred times over if that were the only way to get to you.”

Charlotte looked up at her future husband. He had tears in his eyes and put her face in his hands. He placed his lips on hers. Their connection was electric and they both could feel the surge of want between them.

“Do you think we could run off and elope today?” Sidney teased.

“Mr. Parker, are you in a rush for something?” She teased back knowingly.

They were married three days later. There would be no more interruptions. No more sacrificing for others besides themselves. They were ready to start their life together. Their wedding night was to be spent in their new home. The window was open and a cool sea breeze was blowing. Charlotte was still in her wedding dress. Sidney had taken off his coat and vest. He was just wearing a crisp white shirt. She could see his chest and started having flashes of what she had seen down at the cove months ago. It made her body start to warm.

“Will you help me get out of this dress?” Charlotte said nervously.

“I’ve been wanting to get you out of a dress from the moment I saw you.”

“When you thought I was the new maid?” She couldn’t help but tease.

“Maybe I was hoping you were a new maid because then I knew I wouldn’t have to see you often and be so damn tempted all the time. I had a reputation to uphold remember.”

“Oh, you were tempted all the time?”

Sidney smiled at her has he turned her around to start unfastening her buttons. Her dress slowly slipping to the ground.

“It’s good to know I wasn’t the only one with inappropriate thoughts.” Charlotte was saying just what Sidney wanted to hear, but he was slightly shocked at his new wife’s forwardness.

“I’m shocked Mrs. Parker.”

“Shocked that a young woman would have such thoughts? I couldn’t think about anything else ever since I saw you down at the coves.”

“I’m glad my embarrassment led to your awakening.” He kissed her lightly on the mouth and slowly placed kisses down her neck to her collar bone. Goosebumps arose all over her body.

“So am I.” She let out a slight moan.

“Charlotte, you have awakened me back to life.” He whispered as she felt his hot breath on her. “I love you”

“I love you, Sidney.”

They were both on fire for each other as he led her to their bed. Wrapped in each other as one forever.


End file.
